by Shelley Fowler
Several months ago, Marvin asked me a question in theory. As in, “What would you do if I was on a trip and you didn’t hear from me for several days because there was no cell phone service available?”. Without hesitation and quite glibly I bravely responded, “Well, that’s easy! I would trust God that you were okay, I wouldn’t worry and I’d patiently wait for the phone to ring.”
Well, little did I know then that my reply would come back and bite me several nights ago!
For, you see, early last week Marvin gleefully packed camping gear and ‘guy stuff’ in his little white car and motored off to New Mexico with the intent of exploring Route 66 and the southern half of our neighboring state. I was happy that he was getting to make the trip, so I had no qualms sending him off with prayers and blessings, knowing with all certainty that God would take excellent care of him wherever he traveled.
Marvin called each evening, updating me on his progress and sharing antidotes from the road. And in between phone calls, I sent him newsy emails. In one of them I included a prayer I’d written expressing my readily available faith and trust in God.
Then, Friday evening I returned home and heard the beeping of the answering machine. Hitting the play button, it was Marvin’s voice telling me he was on his way to the Gila National Park cliff dwellings…where there might not be cell phone service. My blithe and faith-filled spirit still securely intact, I was far from fearful about possibly being out of contact with him. Instead, I was thinking about how much fun he must be having taking lots of photos of nature and checking out the cliff dwellings.
Friday night went by, followed by Saturday night, and still I hadn’t heard from Marvin. But thanks to the Weather Channel, I was well informed that at-times-intense thunderstorms were deluging the southwestern part of New Mexico and right over the last place I knew Marvin was headed. Thus, I found myself in the wee hours of Sunday morning beginning to feel little peace and a niggling of worry. My imaginative mind began playing the ‘what if’ game. What if he’d been struck by lightning while hiking, after which he slipped and fell into a giant crevasse? What if he was huddled in his tent and a very hungry and humongous grizzly bear had caught his scent? What if there had been a landslide (I’d recently seen a video of one) and not only him, but his cell phone, was buried in muddy silt? Ah, yes…the ‘what ifs’ began to plague my spirit.
But then, right in the middle of yet another improbable as well as implausible ‘what if’, I reined in my imagination and said out loud, “Whoa, Shelley!”. I took a deep breath and remembered the prayers and blessings I had believed, spoken and written on Marvin’s behalf. And I had to wonder – Why was it so easy for my imagination to trounce on what I had so firmly believed….when the sun was shining and cell towers were numerous?
I took the wondering, along with a cup of green tea, to the back door. As I blew cool breathe across the surface of the hot liquid, I looked out into the dark yard and listened to the soft patter of the rain falling on vine leaves and pine needles as I whispered, “Please forgive me, Lord!”. And then I chided myself for forgetting my faith there for a little while, for doubting God’s promises, and for being…well, for being so darned susceptible to a dose of skittering fear just because communication between Marvin and I had been interrupted.
I then remembered an old poster I have hanging on the kitchen door that reads: Sometimes you have to walk by faith and not by sight! The adage is oh, so true, and yet sometimes oh, so hard to put into action. Especially when we have nothing concrete to go on – no neon marker showing us the path ahead or an instruction manual telling us in plain English that indeed our prayers have reached the ear of God and He is actively taking care of our loved one, or a particular situation, or even a nation! But the kicker is…we have to choose whether or not to believe in God and prayer, and we have to choose whether to let fear get the best of us or let faith stand firm and upright in our spirit and soul no matter how lively our imagination can sometimes be!
As for me, still standing at the back door and still sipping hot green tea, I chose faith! And even as I was in the middle of a whispered prayer of thankfulness, all hints of future ‘what ifs’ evaporated, all tiny remnants of fear fled, a warm sense of peace fell across my mind and spirit, and I knew without a single, solitary doubt that Marvin was perfectly safe wherever he was!
It was late Sunday afternoon when I finally heard from Marvin. Sure enough…he hadn’t been hit by lightning, spent time in a crevasse, been eaten by a grizzly, nor had to dig his way out of muddy silt! And sure enough…cell phone towers are indeed rare in the wilderness! And so, not telling him (for now) of my lapse into worry, but with my blithe and faith-filled spirit once again securely intact, I joyfully listened to his voice as he told me of sleeping in a tiny tent, trying to make fire in the rain, and exploring the ancient cliff dwellings once used by Geronimo!
