There’s Somethin’ Fishy

in The Big 12

Imagine my surprise to learn that Oklahoma University’s Collegiate Bass Fishing Team just won back-to-back Big 12 Championships. (They are rated 6th in the nation, according to the CBAA, (Collegiate Bass Angler’s Association) website. I kid you not. They beat Texas Tech by catching a tournament winning 50.13 pounds of bass.

Now I wasn’t surprised they came out champions, I mean the Sooners find a way to buy…err….hire…err, fund…. err, attract, yeah, that’s the word, attract the best athletes. But, can a Bass fisherman really be an athlete?? It totally redefines a rotator cuff injury huh?

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How do they train? What’s the regimen in the weight room?

In any case I wasn’t surprised they won. I was shocked to learn that we even have collegiate bass fishing competitions. What will they think of next???? Battleship, Old Maid? Monopoly?

I mean how do they recruit these guys? What does the assistant coach do to justify his expense vouchers? Is it like: “Let’s see…, I picked up a 12-pack of Old Milwaukee, some bait, a loaf of bread, some liver loaf; a bag of Red Man, and then rented a Triton Tournament Boat, with a big Merc outboard. Then I took Bubba, to the middle of the lake and we started fishin. He had good style, and I think he’d fit into the team. However, he refused to sign, and made some obscene remark about my choice in beer…said Mizzu brought Budweiser. He may be un-coachable.”

Now in the past, some Sooner athletes have exhibited some behavioral problems, and have failed to graduate. Are we really ready to loose an illiterate bass fisherman on society??

In the Switzer era, some members of the OU National Football Champions, brandished Mac-10 automatic weapons in the dorms. What happens if some Bass fishing signee from Arkansas takes lessons from grandpa and shows up in the dorm with a stick of dynamite trying to bring Bass to the surface in a toilet stool?

Also, in the past, there has been a problem of (student-athletes???) committing recruiting violations. Now the problem is twofold; what on earth does a bass-fishing athlete major in? Maybe Ichthyology….if and this is a big IF he, or she…(I gotta remember Title IX), can even spell it and find it in the student handbook). Will Bill Dance entice them to “play” for his team by giving them fancy lures?

Also, will T-Boone Pickens and the Gaylords get in a frenzy trying to build the best Bass fishing sports venue for their schools? Will those facilities have sky boxes? The mind boggles.

The word for the week is Carp.

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One response »

  1. Shawn Yorks says:

    C.F. this is one of the best and funniest columns I’ve seen in a long time. I read it aloud to everyone in the newsroom and they all liked it.

    I had no idea such a thing as collegiate bass fishing existed.

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